Category Archives: Career

How can you advance your career in a matter of weeks or months with a mindset change? Especially if you’re a millennial like me? I’ll share my shameful but effective learning process with you to save you the time and trouble! 

No this isn’t some silly fru-fru “I believe I can fly” positive self reinforcement B.S. But your mindset is very important and plays a major role in how you progress in your career and how successful you are in general. 

I’ve recently experienced a massive shift in my mentality around work and motivation and it’s made a huge impact on my success therein.

My story: I’m in my early 30’s and have been working in the construction management industry for about 8 years. Before that I spent a few years in a retail management position and before that dabbled in sales. I’ve never been terribly successful professionally, until recently when I made this shift in my mentality.

I grew up as one of those kids who is naturally inclined at most things. Good grades, excelling at sports, making friends, etc… all came without much struggle. Being a millennial, whatever proficiency I displayed was always reinforced by participation ribbons, pats on the back and encouraging words. PLUS I grew up in a small town, so there was less competition.  I was the “Valedictorian” of my junior high class of 27 students. Not a major accomplishment compared to a normal sized school! 

To be honest I never thought about the incessant positive reinforcement we all got growing up but it inevitably shaped the way I thought. That environment reinforced the belief in myself that (you may also share) “you SHOULD be successful at the things you do”…basically always. But that expectation has a very limited lifetime and once you enter the real world of a career, it comes crashing down.

So as I entered the workforce it’s not that I wasn’t adding value or doing well, it’s that I was bringing less to the table that I thought I was. I was expecting a level of proficiency, and the associated rewards only reserved for those with levels of commitment and experience far greater than mine.

But that was a lesson I only learned through shame.  Let me tell you that story:

A little over a year ago I got called into the boss’s office. I had been working on construction sites for the last 5 years, so getting an ambiguous meeting scheduled meant only 1 thing: promotion time! I had been doing a great job, was managing construction projects really well, no one had been seriously injured on my projects, they generally finished on time ( I even finished a project 2 weeks early!), and there could be no other real reason for a legitimate meeting except to formally announce that my career was going to the “next level”.

Orrrr so I thought. 

I sat down with a smile, and readied myself for the big news. BUT instead of a shower of compliments and a new job title or bloated salary I got vaguely negative feedback. Something about how “I hadn’t arrived yet” and “wasn’t quite there”. Not that I had been doing a bad job, I was actually doing a good job, but it was definitely not “great”. It didn’t make sense to me….I zoned out trying to grasp what was happening….

Finally, the realization set in that this was going nowhere good. And even with clarifying questions I still didn’t really grasp where my performance wasn’t going well or how I could improve. In fact I began to get angry. Really angry. Not only did I not expect this but the least they could do is be direct! What does that even mean to “not arrive yet” or not quite be “there”?! Where the heck is “there”?

I reacted.  Poorly. 

I told my 2 bosses how hard I’d worked and how intentional I was. That my methods were probably the best way that the job could be done! I explained that this job wasn’t even a good fit for me. We’d talked about that in the past. About how it’s not very well suited to my strengths and they knew that. It was a blur. A frustrated, sweaty, tense, blur. I may have yelled. (Actually if you can’t remember whether or not you yelled, you probably yelled.)

I yelled. 

This was a small office.  Maybe 10’x15’. We were very close to each other.  An arm’s length away. So my yelling was right in their faces. 

To this day, to this very moment I can picture their surprised and disappointed facial expressions toward me.  I can close my eyes and see them. Finally the meeting ended and I trudged out. 

At the time the company needed building maintenance done so I was stuck doing manual labor for weeks afterward. Everyday I climbed up ladders and did roofing repairs. First, sweeping and pressure washing to clean them, then patching obvious holes, repairing and reattaching metal parapet cap material, then finally re-coating the entire roof surface before moving onto the next building and repeating the process. Alone with my thoughts… chewing…grinding…writhing alone on those rooftops with the boss’s feedback swirling around in my head. FURIOUSLY replaying those conversations in my head. Thinking about all the things I could have said. All the rebuttals I should have made.

While roofing, I was passing the time listening to audiobooks. (Using the free Libby app through the public library system, which is awesome by the way) Business books, leadership books, entrepreneurial books, autobiographies of successful people, etc…. Hearing these people tell stories of overcoming their surroundings, becoming masters of their industries and fighting to succeed all started to sink into me.

What made them different from me?

Did they have “conversations” with their superiors like I did? Probably not.

What did they have that I lacked?

Somehow these successful people didn’t wait for their boss to give them some promotion or expect permission to advance. They just found a way. There was no rule book for the paths they took toward success and toward their goals! Obstacles didn’t stop them, they were mere speed bumps to navigate. If they had no contacts: they made contacts. If they didn’t know how to get a product made in a foreign country: they went out and discovered how. If they didn’t know how to sell their product: they worked tirelessly to get it placed in a major department store with untold amounts of creativity.

Basically they didn’t take their circumstances or their external factors of any kind as the final word.  They had their goal and every morning they woke up and sprinted toward it no matter what. 

Their goal. Their purpose. Their own source of motivation.

Why couldn’t I be driven like that? I had goals. I had a sense of who I was and the kind of person I wanted to be. What was I doing waiting around for someone else to give me what I wanted? Or to present me with the resolution to my goal or current obstacles? Whose fault was it that I was being held back and limited?

“No way!”, I thought. My goals won’t happen if I wait for someone else to make them happen. I need to go out and reel it in myself. I need to be the one to force this goal into existence whatever that means. (Obviously within the boundaries of what is legal and ethical but hey those are really huge and open boundaries) The company I work for and the people there can’t be the thing that I am waiting on to help me and I can’t allow them to slow me down either. The challenges in my work don’t have to be terminal or even huge. I can choose to mow them down one at a time and not look back.

Once that realization hit me fully, I knew I had to take action.  

Ultimately this self motivation I was finally discovering had other names that I didn’t like and wasn’t happy with: Accountability. Ownership. Obedience. Discipline. These felt stodgy and limiting before but I had to come to terms with the FACT that they were the only means I had to overcome my doubts and my excuses.

I am accountable for my own success.  I am the owner of it. I am the only person who has to make it happen.  No one else has that on their radar and they shouldn’t. I am the person responsible for my own future and the discipline it takes to make it a good one.  

It was like a door that was locked suddenly swung open.  I was unleashed. Okay that sounds cheesy. But seriously, my whole perspective on life literally was changed from that time forward. 

After this crazy realization and many roof repairs, I had another opportunity to work more closely with those same bosses that witnessed my feedback tantrum. But because my motivation had shifted so strongly from external factors (like them) to internal factors (like my identity as a highly capable and focused individual) I just put my head down and worked. It was fast, focused, and accurate work. I didn’t care about anything but getting the work done and learning like crazy.

Lets just say they noticed. Big time. They didn’t know “what happened to me” but wanted more of it. (Notice that language even falls into the commonly held belief that “something must have happened” to me like a terminal illness or I suddenly had to support a child etc…an external circumstance forcing a change on me.)

You can make a similar change and tap into a spring of motivation that was otherwise unused! Here’s how:

1. First you have to stop believing in extrinsic motivation.
   • Extrinsic Defined: “not part of the essential nature of someone or something; coming or operating from outside”
   • We blame someone else for not keeping us engaged and motivated. We blame our circumstances for holding us back. We blame our bosses for not recognizing the time and effort we put in. But then we stay in that cage we’ve made out of excuses. We act paralyzed because of those things, not realizing we have the power to create change for ourselves.
   • You never will have enough extrinsic motivation. Your tank is always only ¼ full and it can only be filled by factors outside of you.
2. Next we have to change our fuel source from extrinsic to intrinsic. Intrinsic motivation is different because it lives within you and feeds on the stuff YOU give it. It has less and less to do with other people.
   • Intrinsic Defined: “belonging naturally; essential.”
   • You decide what drives you based on your own goals, metrics, and qualities of character.
3. You decide WHO do you want to be? You are “this kind of person” so you’re driven and motivated in these ways. It’s woven into your identity and is inseparable from your actions.
   • Example, “I am a hard working person who is driven to be successful and to bring excellence every day.” Now it’s personal. It’s reflective of who you are as a human being. You want to work hard on that project because it is just in your DNA to work hard. To be committed. To take its outcome personally. Yes you don’t know exactly how to do what needs to be done and that’s scary, but “afraid” isn’t in your core identity. The point is, you are staying true to your own integrity who you are choosing to be and what you care about. The only natural result of that is to live in line with that “new” identity. Be that person.

This is exactly the change that happened in me. Unfortunately for me the catalyst was negative feedback and the shame of my horrific reaction ruminated during weeks of manual labor on rooftops….

I want you to be able to recognize this in you now and change it. 

Here’s an easy test: If you’re waiting on anything or anyone to become successful…you’re extrinsically motivated. (at least somewhat)

-Me

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My challenge to you is to sit down for a few minutes and really be honest with yourself. 

Where are you?

Are you in the extrinsic camp or the intrinsic camp? 

What do you allow to slow yourself down?  

What obstacles have you accepted as terminal? 

Who are you waiting on to give you the golden ticket to success? If it has been of any value please send it to someone you know who it could also help.